She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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