Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
