So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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