bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
