just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
