he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
