You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
