We won't sleep together?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
