It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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