Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
