i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
