Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
