you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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