my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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