The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And then my night got REAL pukey
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
