i don't plan on having that self control this summer
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
