so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
