Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
