I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
