You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
