Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
