I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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