You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
