I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
