I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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