Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
