I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
