Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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