that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
