awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
