everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
