I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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