quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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