No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
