And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
