Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
