Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
