my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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