brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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