At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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