Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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