1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
