Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
