apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
