omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Are we still banned from the library?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
