Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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