I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
