Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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