Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
