yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize