I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
