Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
