Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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