It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
