So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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