guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize