You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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