Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
