at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
