just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
