I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize