On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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