so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
