We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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