Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize