I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
