Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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