You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
