Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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