Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
