Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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