Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
