Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
